#RealTalk, 2016, Relationship Building

#RealTalk: Jargon

Note: This blog piece was written June 10 2016 but has been migrated onto a new site.

Last week I attended the C2 Conference in Montreal. This blog is part of a series I am writing to document some of my findings after being submerged in a jungle one part performance art, one part academic, one part food truck meet-up, one part business conference, and one part adult playground.

My previous blog post focused on body language in a big way. When our bodies are forced into atypical “business” environments the way we connect with each other changes as we negotiate with our sense of personal space. Now I want to talk about – talking.

C2 obviously nailed it when they decided to break down the physical barriers between people and offer a more organic method of connecting. But let’s focus on the speakers. The rush after a particularly vulnerable and rewarding brain date is difficult to describe and the only thing that crushes that rush as fast as it sprouts is a bad speaker. One who has not translated their “industry speak” into the love language that participants were organically crafting.

Okay, to be fair, I was fortunate in enjoying all the speakers I saw but I thought this is would be a great opportunity to point out a problematic trend I’ve seen in public speakers. I will, of course, also continue my flattery of C2 and acknowledge speakers who subverted this horrible trend that I am calling “winners speak”.

As a speaker you have two jobs. 1) Know your shit. And 2) educate yourself in what words have become meaningless as they are overused and melded in with “industry speak”. Having a powerful message is one thing, but delivering it in a powerful way is what creates momentum and ensures your message will penetrate the behavior and thinking of your listeners. So how do you do this? You create a love language for the thing you are passionate about. You ingest it in all the forms its available in so that when you are asked to speak on it your words are as varied and rich as your perspective on the subject.

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Jargoned speech is like a Coca-Cola. In the moment you could not imagine being more refreshed and satisfied as its carbonated sparks electrify your throat. Of course, this doesn’t last. The short term effects are fatigue, irritation, and yes, thirst. The very thing we were hoping to rid ourselves of. Real momentum is staying hydrated with clean substances throughout the day. Every once in a while we surprise our bodies with a fresh watermelon, which carries with its appeal a messiness, and inconvenience.

Before I get completely carried away with my analogy here let’s reel it back in. “Winners speak” is problematic. It relies on our fears of failure, it feeds our weakness for fast results, and it misses out on the “why”. Why this is important. Why this is truth. Why this is devastating. Why this is beautiful. Why this is sad. Why it’s allowed to be all of those things at once.

A speech is not there to flatter your senses and then just as promptly leave you craving the very thing you went to satisfy. Perhaps if you were about to play a football game and needed a bit of pep, or about to enter into a situation where nerves had to be met with a fierce sense of invincibility. These, however, are intended to be in short bursts. They are there to represent the larger more complex mechanics of something you’ve worked hard at. Key being – you’ve already engaged in.

Okay, so how do we fix this? I obviously don’t have all the answers. But I’ve been paying close attention to the speakers I have had the pleasure and displeasure of seeing. Partly because I myself am moving into public speaking and needed to see what worked and what didn’t. Here are my thoughts:

  • Find and nurture your love language. It could be your ability to turn a call to action into poetry that speaks to deeper human truths like Massimo Bottura. He nourished our minds and sense as he lovingly and poetically described how “cooking is a call to act”. Just like poetry we were feeling it before we understood it. So when he walked out onto the stage and began telling us of his project Food for Soul our mouths were already hungry for the realness and truth of the devastation of food waste.
  • Tasha McCauley spent the majority of her talk on VR and its potential for redeveloping our intuitive thinking. She started by telling us the story of “the first page”. As in, the first documented piece of history that humankind recorded symbols and language onto. What made it so special? What prompted us to shift from oral-only to a written language? Her love language is history, discovery, and adventure. She made me look at my own writing as a vehicle for exploration in a way I hadn’t before. It was through this unique and creative lens that I began to understand how we are moving to a more intuitive and symbolic thinking space and our language for it is not ‘text speak’, as some naysayers want to believe, but technology; things that allow us intuitive modes of interacting with our environment.
  • Struggle and failure cannot just be acknowledged. It must be treated with the same respect we inherently give a win. My biggest complaint against “winners speak” is its terrible habit of indulging in the win and acknowledging the suffering only as a means of enhancing the win. With mental illness being so prevalent, you’d think we would work harder to develop a love language for it that didn’t rely on a win. At C2 the vast majority of speakers chose learning over winning. Learning relies on failure. There is just as much, if not more, joy in seeing a child trying to walk for the first time than seeing a child walk perfectly for the first time.

The language we are given to explore a topic is in a large way going to dictate its course. When ideas start to shift in society, one of the first things that crops up is a call to action for a change in the language we use. So why in a business setting do we often forget this? Well, its fear. So first we need to acknowledge that for fear to grip us that badly, it must mean there is something deeply personal intertwined in the way we do business. Ah okay! We know this. So let’s make a commitment then to prioritize personal expression even in a business setting. Let’s not let our ideas only flow from our heads out our mouths. Let’s take it on the scenic route, straight through our heart, winding through our toes, up and down our shoulders, giving it a clean jump off our tongue and out into the world.

2016, Entrepreneur, Mindfulness, personal branding, Uncategorized

Brain Dates Expose More Heart than Brains

Note: This blog piece was written June 1 2016 but has been migrated onto a new site.

Last week I attended the C2 Conference in Montreal. This blog is part of a series I am writing to document some of my findings after being submerged in a jungle one part performance art, one part academic, one part food truck meet-up, one part business conference, and one part adult playground.

Imagine a space where you are challenged to intimately and freely exchange expertise and vulnerabilities with strangers. Not just that, but the space itself is comprised of non-traditional seating arrangements. Two swings where knee bumping is inevitable. Rocking chairs. Salon chairs equipped with hooded hair dryer bonnets. Red and white pods. A swinging picnic table. Hammocks. At one point, even the staircase as the other space filled up. This was the crown jewel of the conference and they called these: Brain Dates.

What is a brain date? Every attendee has access to the “HUB” where you have the opportunity to write a little bio and set-up offers and requests. Offers are things you are open to talk about for 30min with people who are interested. Requests are simply you putting out a request to get some advice on a specific subject. My offer was this: “How do you turn a personal brand into a business?” I received 16 requests to speak on that topic and ended up “brain dating” with 14 of those people (I didn’t want to miss out on Martha Stewart talking about pot brownies and her homeboy Snoop).

From my previous posts and watching my weekly Vlog, you already know that online dating is a constant source of inspiration for me when it comes to personal branding. So the idea of brains from all over the world going on “dates” tickled me.

14 dates in 3 days and this is what I learned:

  1. Value does not have an age attached to it. We know this. At C2 you feel it. I spoke with people ranging in ages from 30-65 and often the biggest age gaps meant the best conversations.
  2. Seating had a huge effect on how the conversation went:
    • Swings: Our knees bumped immediately which meant we had to acknowledge a breach of personal space before anything else. Our conversation was playful, bubbly, and nostalgic. We are now collaborating on a project to integrate play into the way people network and learn.
    • Leather footstools (no backing): We both automatically leaned in to talk. Our conversation was brisk and to the point. We spoke in bullet points stopping only to check the time. She walked away with a to-do list.
    • Rocking chairs: Both of us took a minute to breathe and rock before jumping into the conversation. Most of the time was spent exchanging personal histories. We ended up having dinner together and talking about motherhood. We are going to be working together to bring some branding workshops to Toronto for both entrepreneurs and workplace teams to work together better.
    • Salon chairs: The conversation started with a joke about getting perms. Our conversation was driven by humour but relaxed and neither of us felt the pressure of time. We were getting perms after all. This meant I felt comfortable enough to tell him I wanted to meet with him because the language in his profile annoyed me. It was full of “this many start-ups make this many mistakes” and “you should do this”. I wanted to talk with someone who would challenge my more fluid approach to business. This conversation was honest and incredibly helpful. We’ve already connected again!
    • gliderPicnic table glider: You will certainly detect this in my tone – but this was by far my favourite brain date. I actually told this story to Tara Hunt who was part of the social squad for C2 and we totally bonded over it! Just goes to show how the momentum of one great event can lead to another. I added a picture below of a rocking picnic table to eliminate any confusion around how it works. Bill and I sat down and very quickly realized two things. One, we were actually sitting quite far apart. Two, we had to work together to keep the rocking movement of the bench smooth so it wasn’t distracting. This meant we had to not only listen carefully with our ears but with our bodies too. The best way I can describe our conversation is that we took out all our insides and showed it to each other. When one of us became vulnerable or passionate the other immediately felt how it disrupted the flow of our rocking. It meant that I really felt the excitement or nervousness, shared in it, and adjusted to its rhythm. Our brain date ended with big bear hug and a commitment to finding a space to work together in the near future.
  3. Console the broken hearts. E-180 Labs, the wonderful humans responsible for running the brain dates came up with a clever and thoughtful gesture of offering a chocolate with a small “sorry” note to those who had been stood up by dates. It acknowledged the personal aspect of the dates by appealing to the heart via its heart medicine: sweets. It helped set the tone even if you didn’t get to fully participate. Maybe next year we can convince them to hand out mini containers of Ben & Jerry’s instead.
  4. People want to share their expertise with you. Sometimes I met with someone and either because of social exhaustion, heat exhaustion, or in my case, a strong desire to take my 2pm nap, the conversation wouldn’t start out strong, You’d forget what you were there for or dance around a subject hoping the other person will pick up a thread and go with it. This was never a bad thing. Everyone was committed to actually adding value and expertise. The space itself had a lot to do with that. There were just enough rules and guidelines in place to make everyone feel safe, but the playfulness of the environment meant we were energized and motivated to be ourselves and show off our uniqueness. We understood what was required of us when we stepped into either of the roles in the brain date. Maybe I was just very fortunate but everyone I spoke to was committed to either finding value in you or giving something of value to you.
  5. Lastly, I learned that business cards are much more valuable as a token of thanks than an actual means of contacting someone. Give your business card at the end, not the beginning of a meeting. The “HUB” meant we had a way of following up with everyone we met without exchanging business cards. When someone gave me their card right away they set the tone for a specific kind of chat. One which I wasn’t particularly interested in. The kind where they were going to sell to me. When we exchanged cards at the end of the date, it was because we wanted to give the other person a token of acknowledgment for the value they added to our day.

 

Stay tuned for more posts on C2 as I untangle my thoughts and feelings.